It is probably no surprise that one of the loudest debates against homeschooling is the topic of socialization. Do our kids need other people in their lives? Yes. If they don’t go to a school with other children their age, will they have trouble learning how to interact appropriately? No.
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Definition of socialization as found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary:
a : the process beginning during childhood by which individuals acquire the values, habits, and attitudes of a society
b : social interaction with others
It is interesting to me that somehow we have bought into the lie that in order to be properly socialized, one must be placed in a setting surrounded by people of the same age. If I were trying to help my child acquire the values, habits and attitudes of a society, I would NOT place them in a group of young peers also trying to acquire such things. I would, instead, encourage and allow them to interact with people of varying ages. More specifically, those who understand what values are. Often, bad habits are learned from peers and are hard to break if parents are unaware of what is going on in the classroom.
As a Christian mother, I do need to be watchful of who and what is influencing my children. Depending on the school district, children may be taught values that go against yours. They are providing socialization, but are also confusing your child who is taught something different at home. Public school socialization can have both positive and negative affects on a child. Your child will be socialized at school, but it may not be the socialization you want.
Socialization (or having social interaction with others) can happen in a variety of settings. It can include siblings, grandparents, Sunday School teachers, neighborhood friends, sports teams, cousins, library workers, co-ops and the list goes on. If you are concerned about your child not getting enough socialization, all you need to do is get involved with other human beings.
We choose to do most of our socializing as a family. Our children are all under the age of 9, so we aim to be models of how to socialize instead of plopping them into random situations and expecting success. Just like anything else, it is important to give proper training, and even correction, in order for someone to learn a particular skill. This is one reason homeschooling works so well for us. We have plenty of time to interact with our children in various settings.
When concerned family members speak about the lack of socialization for homeschooled children, they are most often referring to them not being around people. The growing number of homeschool families has also meant a growing number of options to socialize with others during the school day. Many communities have co-ops (typically meeting one day a week) or groups that meet to do holiday parties and field trips. Each family has the freedom to decide if they have social needs which can be met in these types of groups.
If your child is interested in sports, get them on a team! They can play for the local public school even if they don’t attend there. Your local community probably offers different sport options as well. Art, dance, karate, or music lessons are good ways for your child to be around other students. These may happen after a typical school day would have ended which can help if parents are working while educating their child at home. Scouts or 4-H clubs can provide social opportunities for a homeschool child. Even cousins and neighbors can be valuable playmates on evenings and weekends.
I grew up in a rural area with only cousins and a few neighbors my age who lived nearby. I was pulled out of public school after 2nd grade along with my younger sister. I had 2 friends from church who were homeshooled and 2 neighbor girls who went to public school. I treasured my relationship with my parents, sisters and grandparents. They were my socialization. I also treasured the time I had to develop my values, convictions, and attitude during those years of less peer-aged socialization. I did volunteer in my community, serve with our local church, and join a 4H club. As I became old enough for youth group, I got involved in that too. I felt prepared to interact with others and didn’t feel awkward at all. I knew who I was and how to treat others. I did not have problems in college or at my first job. I was shocked when people made comments such as, “I would have never guessed you were homeschooled”. I didn’t realize people perceived homeschoolers as weird and unsocialized. Now, as the homeschool mother, I hear it all the time! People mean well, but they are misinformed.
I will give my children many opportunities to know and understand the values of our society. They will know what the BIble says and how to determine right from wrong. They will be taught truth first so they can easily distinguish a lie. Our family will go out into our community and be the hands and feet of Jesus. They will be prepared to socialize with other humans who both agree and disagree with their particular values. If my kids are seen as weird, it will not be because they are weird, but because the view of normal is changing in our society. And, if that is the case, then I am thankful they are not normal socialized children.
A word of caution: I actually believe that many children are over-socialized today. What I mean is that well-meaning parents have their child in so many social activities that the child doesn’t have time to develop a firm foundation. They also give children privileges and responsibilities they are not yet mature enough to handle. Cell phones and social media are examples of this. Keep in mind that the goal of socialization is a two-part goal. Allow time for interaction with friends, but always ponder what types of values you are trying to impart. Pray for wisdom in this area. Stick to your convictions.
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” {Galatians 1:10}
Rest assured- homeschoolers will not be any less socialized than public schooled peers. The difference comes in the intentional ways homeschool parents are able to provide social cues, instill values, and cultivate high standards in regards to socialization.
Seeking Wisdom,
